


there you are underneath

by roachprince



Series: kindness won't save anyone: asw inspired [2]
Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Irresponsible Drinking, M/M, No happy end, Pining, i'm sorry i love gyu i really do but he's terrible in this one, its just really unhappy and not satisfying at all im sorry ok, sunggyu's an asshole, sungjong's there to pick up the pieces. literally, ugh why do i keep doing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 16:59:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6864877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roachprince/pseuds/roachprince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have loved since you.<br/>But when the new paint gets scratched,<br/>there you are underneath.</p><p>Leaving Myungsoo was easy for Sunggyu. He didn't think Myungsoo wasn't going to let him come back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	there you are underneath

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [this ASW comic](http://asofterworld.com/index.php?id=1073).

Sunggyu can’t think straight. That’s what the sober part of his brain is still trying to tell him. The drunk part, however, is pretty sure he’s never thought as straight as right now. He knows all he needs to know, he’s got it all figured out. He’s freshly single, he’s unhappy, and he needs Myungsoo.

He dials the number like it’s the most natural thing for his thumb to do, and hazily gazes around the room while he waits for him to pick up. Sunggyu can’t remember when or how or why he ended up in his bedroom, sitting on the floor with his back against the bed, one of his shoes off, the other just untied. There’s a bottle in his free hand, which is good, nice. Soothing. He really needs Myungsoo to pick up his phone. He has things to tell him, important things.

_“Stop calling me.”_

Oh. He had hoped for his voice to sound all sleepy and cute, but Myungsoo sounds wide awake and distinctly pissed off. Sunggyu wonders if he’s called him before, sometime tonight when he’d stopped keeping count of his drinks. He can’t remember. He doesn’t care.

“I need you,” Sunggyu drawls.

“Are you drunk?” Myungsoo shoots back before Sunggyu can tell him that he loves him and he wants to feel him melt under his touch again.

Sunggyu shoots his bottle a glance, it’s basically empty, and he ends up winking at it for whatever reason. “Yeah, pretty much,” he admits. No use in denying it, probably. He wouldn’t be doing this if he were sober. Sober Sunggyu’s a buzzkill. “Myungsoo, I need –”

“You need to stop calling me, put the booze down, and go to sleep.”

“You know,” Sunggyu says, feeling smart. “If you really didn’t wanna talk to me, you could just hang up.”

_Click._

Hung up. Cheeky little prick.

He dials his number again, and Myungsoo picks up almost immediately, but also speaks almost immediately, leaving Sunggyu no time to be needy some more.

“Go to sleep.”

“No.” Sunggyu pulls his knees to his chest and hugs them with the arm holding his vodka. “Only if you tuck me in.” He laughs breathily at Myungsoo’s exasperated exhale, then forces himself to at least sound a little more serious. “I miss you, Soo. I mean it. I miss you, and I want you, and we should get back together.”

“So you can leave again?” There’s hurt in Myungsoo’s voice now, and Sunggyu presses himself up against his bed to swallow the guilt. “Cheat on me again, while you’re at it?”

“I’m not a cheater anymore,” he says. “I’m better now. This time around I didn’t cheat on my boyfriend, not even once.”

“Your what?”

“Ex. Ex-boyfriend.” Sunggyu moves to take a gulp from his bottle, finally emptying it. “We broke up. I mean, I broke up, with him. Last night. Just didn’t work out anymore, blah blah, but nobody cheated. I don’t cheat on people anymore.”

“That’s so nice,” Myungsoo says dryly. “I’m proud of you, Sunggyu.”

He knows it’s sarcasm. Knows he doesn’t deserve any praise, but it still makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up and his breast tingle warmly. “I thought I’d miss him,” he continues, ignoring Myungsoo’s words. He can imagine him shaking his head at his phone. “My ex. I thought it’d be harder, but it’s not. It’s easy to be away from him, and I don’t miss him at all. The only one I miss is you. It’s always you. I mean, I loved him. I’ve loved a bunch of people since I… since we broke up. But it’s not the same, Myungsoo. It’s never the same. I just keep coming back to you, no matter what I do, no matter who I do.” He laughs at his own dirty joke, then listens to his own voice grow darker. “Sometimes I still think about you when I fuck other people. Hell, almost always. Do you still think about me when you fuck someone else?”

Silence. Sunggyu listens closely and can hear Myungsoo breathe quietly, he’s just not saying anything. A shit-eating grin spreads across his dry lips. “Myungsoo, have you fucked anyone since me?”

He’s still not saying anything. Sunggyu can hear him take a breath, but he doesn’t release it, and no words come out. Myungsoo’s holding his breath, and Sunggyu halfheartedly holds back a chuckle, head falling back against his mattress. “Have you had a boyfriend since I left, Soo? Have you been dating? Sleeping around? Anything?”

“That’s none of your business,” Myungsoo says quietly.

“So no, then,” Sunggyu sneers. Oh, how Myungsoo must hate him right now, but he doesn’t care. It’s mean and a dick move, but he just doesn’t. Knowing that Myungsoo hasn’t even been fucking random people or dating _anyone at all_ since they broke up is better than any booze he could have downed. He probably misses him too much to look at anyone else. He probably knows that no one could ever compare to Sunggyu. “That’s understandable,” he croons. “Nobody would fuck you like I did. They don’t know what you want, do they? They don’t know what you need. I still remember all your sensitive spots like they’re burned into my brain. If I were with you right now I’d just have to touch that bit of skin behind your ear and you’d be mine all over again. I could make it even better though, I could lick it and use my hands instead to find that part on the back of your thighs that makes you whine and squirm. I’d leave hickeys right in the dip of your hip bones, you love those, I know that. I still know it all.”

“I’m hanging up now, Sunggyu.” Myungsoo’s voice is soft, and the hurt is back and very, very present, and Sunggyu’s glee disappears almost completely.

“Wait,” he says quickly, trying to ignore the slight pull in his groin and failing. He still has so much to tell him. He wants to lick the sweat off his chest, he wants to leave bruises and marks everywhere to tell the world that he was there, that he made him moan and scream and fall apart, he wants to fuck him into the mattress like there’s no tomorrow, or have Myungsoo ride him and watch him fuck himself on his cock, but most of all he wants to watch him sink into the cushions later, chest heaving and that dopey expression on his face like he’s never been happier. He wants to see Myungsoo happy because of him. Happy and naked. “I want –”

He’s gone. Myungsoo didn’t let him finish, and the line is dead, and Sunggyu huffs quietly. He tosses his phone onto the mattress behind him and staggers to his feet, wobbly legs carrying him towards the kitchen to check if he’s got any more vodka.

 

Two days later he’s sitting on his bedroom floor, both of his shoes off this time, a brand new bottle in his left hand, and can’t think straight. That’s what the sober part of his brain, the buzzkill, is trying to tell him. But he’s already got Myungsoo’s number all typed out. He’s just waiting for him to pick up.

And he does, but he doesn’t say anything this time. Sunggyu doesn’t particularly mind. In the end, Myungsoo has always been quiet, and Sunggyu, again, has a lot to tell him.

“Remember when we banged on the backseat of my car? It broke down today, the little shit. The guy told me I should just get a new one, but I don’t wanna. It still smells like –”

“Leave Myungsoo alone.”

“What?” That didn’t sound like Myungsoo. Sunggyu gives his phone an offended stare for a few seconds, then presses it back to his ear. “Who the hell’s this?”

“His boyfriend. Back off.”

Sunggyu gives an ugly snort. “He doesn’t have a boyfriend. He told me.”

He can hear someone mumble in the background, and he can’t really make out the voice, but he just knows it’s Myungsoo. But he’s still got the other guy on the phone, sounding stern and even more pissed off than Myungsoo did. “He told you it’s none of your business. Which it isn’t. So shut up, and stop calling.”

Sunggyu just stares at his wall, doesn’t know what to say. He can hear them murmur in the background again, can hear Myungsoo say, “Tell him to sober up,” and the other guy reply, “Nah, fuck him.”

So fuck him, then. Sunggyu hangs up without another word and swallows down the sour taste in his mouth. He gets up from the floor and just puts the bottle of booze on his nightstand so he can pull his shoes back on and leave. He has no idea where he’s going, but he’s going to end up in someone else’s bed. That much he does know, and it’s all he cares about now. He’s just going to get laid, and think about Myungsoo while doing it.

 

He wakes because sunlight tickles his skin, and then he wakes completely because suddenly someone’s blocking the light. Sunggyu’s eyes blink open and his heart misses a beat because he knows he didn’t actually end up in a stranger’s bed, he ended up in his own and he didn’t take anyone home with him. He scored a blowjob in a restroom, but he didn’t invite the guy over to his apartment, so someone must have broken in, and he’s hungover and sleepy and naked –

“Morning, sunshine.”

It’s Sungjong.

“The fuck,” Sunggyu manages to grit out, his voice hoarse, like he’s had gravel for breakfast. He hasn’t had anything for breakfast, obviously, and his stomach makes a loud noise. Sungjong shoots him a bemused glance, then continues with what he’s doing. Whatever the hell that is.

Sunggyu sits up, blanket draped over his naked lap, and watches as Sungjong picks up his discarded clothes (not just from yesterday, he hasn’t tidied up here in a while) and throws them in his hamper. He also notices that his vodka bottle is gone from his nightstand. Asshole.

“What’re you doing here?” Sunggyu slurs out, raising one very heavy arm to rub his eyes.

“Myungsoo told me to check in on you,” Sungjong says softly, almost sing-songs it, but maybe that’s just his voice. Sunggyu stares at him over his hand, and Sungjong smiles a terrible, knowing and borderline cold smile. “You’ve been calling him a lot lately, always piss drunk. Myungsoo’s a nice person. Of course he’ll worry. I’m sure some part of you wanted to achieve just that.”

“Bullshit,” Sunggyu mumbles. His neck feels uncomfortably warm. “I wasn’t gonna call him again after that asshole boyfriend of his picked up.”

“Yeah,” Sungjong sighs and picks up a pair of smudged boxer shorts between two fingers to examine it, “Sungyeol’s not actually his boyfriend.”

“Huh?” Sunggyu isn’t sure he got anything Sungjong just said. He wishes he’d stop looking at his dirty underwear like that.

“Sungyeol,” Sungjong repeats, as if that’d help him. “The guy who told you to back off. He’s Myungsoo’s best friend – but you wouldn’t know that, of course. He just acted as his boyfriend to make you stop calling him in the middle of the night.” Sunggyu utters a little “Oh,” and Sungjong shrugs. “I don’t think I was supposed to tell you that, but, oh well.”

“What, you want us back together again?” Sunggyu asks, trying to sound like he’s joking, trying to get his sense of humor back as Sungjong tosses gross sock after gross sock into the hamper.

“Hell no,” he says passionately. “You two were horrible.”

Alright then. Sunggyu runs both hands through his hair, then he squints at Sungjong. “Wait, how the hell did you even get in here?”

“I picked the lock,” Sungjong says like they’re talking about the weather. Sunggyu stares at him, and Sungjong gives him a look, pleased with himself. “Myungsoo might have insinuated that you could have hurt yourself, so he told me not to take any risks. You wouldn’t open your door. I broke in to make sure you’re not, like, drowning in your own vomit or something.”

“You’re a true friend,” Sunggyu mutters, going back over the weird-ass conversation they’ve been having. His gaze drops to the floor momentarily, then shoots back up at Sungjong when something like hope spreads across his features. “So that means he really doesn’t have a boyfriend, right? He hasn’t dated anyone since we split up?”

“He hasn’t,” Sungjong says. Sunggyu can’t tell what his tone of voice is supposed to mean, but he never really understands Sungjong anyway. He just sits in his bed grinning stupidly, until he catches Sungjong’s stare again, and this time, it’s definitely cold. “What, are you proud?” As is his voice. “That shit you said to him on the phone, that he misses you too much to date anyone else, you really think that’s true? You think that’s it?”

Sungjong stops putting clothes in the hamper, and Sunggyu feels dread pooling in his stomach. He also feels very small all of a sudden, defensive too, but the way Sungjong looks at him like he’s the scum of the earth and the way his head is thrumming from last night doesn’t really invite him to actually say anything.

“You broke him,” Sungjong says. Sunggyu swallows dryly. “What you did to him, he still hasn’t gotten past it. He can’t trust anyone anymore. In the beginning he could barely even trust me, or Sungyeol, his _friends_. You think he can trust random guys he meets in bars who think he’s hot? Or cute, or whatever? I’ve seen dudes that seemed genuinely interested in getting to know him, you know, nice people that really didn’t seem like they were going to fuck him over, but Myungsoo still gives them fake numbers and prays to god he never sees them again. He thinks they’re all going to fucking cheat on him and then leave him alone to deal with his – his anger, his disappointment, his goddamn grief. You didn’t even let _him_ break up with _you_ after you broke his fucking heart, you animal. You up and left like an asshole. Now he thinks we’re all like that, men. And I can’t even fucking blame him. But you know what’s the worst part?”

Sunggyu feels like he’s about to cry, even though his eyes are completely dry. His head is pounding and he kind of wants to throw up, but he just flinches a little when Sungjong throws a clean pair of boxers at him and shakes his head.

“The worst fucking part is that he still sent me to look after you. You can’t get over him because you think you’re, I don’t know, entitled to his ass or whatever, and you think you have the right to speak even one goddamn word to him after what you did, and he _worries about you_. He never deserved you, and you need to get your shit together.”

“I take that back,” Sunggyu hears himself mutter. “What I said about you being a true friend.”

“I am being a true friend,” Sungjong says quietly. “By telling you to let go. It’s time. Now put on some underwear so I don’t have to see your dick, and go take a shower. I’ll fix you some breakfast. You look like shit.”

He lets Sungjong make his breakfast, but he doesn’t allow himself to talk about Myungsoo or his drinking habits too much. He’s too tired, too proud, to discuss this. Sungjong keeps trying, but Sunggyu just shakes his head and eats his rice, puts on his clothes, and shoves Sungjong out the door with a promise to look after himself better from now on. He behaves well and empties his hamper into his washing machine, puts the half empty vodka bottle back into the kitchen cabinet and doesn’t touch it for a while, goes out and meets other people, other men. He tries.

 

He really does.

 

But when his newest crush leaves him for “someone less bitter” than him, there he is again, Myungsoo waiting for him in his head, with open arms and his goofy smile, wanting to pull him into one of his patented bear hugs, urging him to pull out his phone and try one more time, one last time.

In another part of town, Myungsoo still loses sleep and, sometimes, some tears, over the fact that Sungyeol got him to change his number.

**Author's Note:**

> me: i love gyusoo theyre my otp  
> also me: they can never be happy or even healthy for each other, ever, and i love to be sad


End file.
